Crazy Chinatown Bus Stop Lady

I have an update on my crazy bus commutes. Perhaps you thought I'd run out of stories? No worries, L.A. has an unending number of odd personalities to document. This one is one of my favorites, as she never disappoints.

Some of you may remember that in February Jay and I attended the Chinese New Year Parade in Chinatown near downtown L.A. I didn't write about it then, but that was when Crazy Chinatown Bus Stop Lady got her name. Jay and I had parked at his office in downtown and planned to take the bus to Chinatown for the parade to avoid crowds. As we were waiting for the bus, a woman with long, stringy, dyed-black hair and white roots, nicotine-stained teeth, and bright fuschia lipstick smeared over face and teeth approached Jay. I can't remember how she started the conversation, but Jay politely responded to something she said. I could've told him that was his first mistake. She kept talking to him, louder and louder, in a screechy terrible voice, despite the fact he was now clinging to me and trying to ignore her. I finally rescued my poor polite husband by suggesting we give up on the damn bus and just walk to Chinatown. It couldn't have been more than 5 miles at the most. Relieved, he agreed and off we went.

Ah, but the story doesn't end there, otherwise why would I be writing this post? A few weeks later, I was riding my usual bus into the lab. I sit down behind a woman with long, stringy, dyed-black hair. She was muttering to herself, and I thought I recognized her.... surely not, why would someone from downtown be on MY bus? Then she made a phone call, and sure enough, that screechy loud voice rang out. Oh my word, it WAS crazy chinatown bus stop lady! I sat quietly, not moving, hoping she would not recognize me. She didn't - I think she had been more fixated on my handsome hubby than me. As we approached her stop, rather than pulling the stop cord she begins screaming out, "This is my stop! Back door! Back door! Let me off the bus!" She continues screaming this until she is off the bus, despite the fact that no one is blocking her way and the bus driver is patiently waiting.

As it happens, I have encountered her several time since then. She is always very loud, with a voice like nails on chalkboard, and she is always overreacting to some imagined situation on the bus. I always know she will put on a show. For instance, this morning. I get on the bus, and lo and behold the only available seat is next to crazy chinatown bus stop lady. So I stand. As we approach the stop at Westside Pavilion, the local mall, she begins. She starts by screeching, "The bell's not working, it's not working!" as she slaps the bell cord vigorously. But anyone who rides the bus regularly knows that the bus ALWAYS stops at the mall. It's one of the timed stops on the route. So the bus stops, as it always does, and she begins shoving people aside, screeching, "Let me off the bus, LET ME OFF THE BUS, I need to get off the bus, BACK DOOR, BACK DOOR, stop the bus!!!" Total fruitcake. She always gets off the bus with no issues, but can't seem to stop herself from panicking at the thought of possibly having to get off one stop away from her intended destination. Ah, crazy chinatown bus stop lady. You are insane.